Chaos + Growth = Change

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bad Expectations

In a normal and healthy marriage most expectations we impose on our spouse work to the detriment of the marriage. Think about when you started dating your spouse. You could not wait to see them or receive that phone call ( I know I'm dating myself, it's Facebook or a text now.). The call, although anticipated, still caught you by surprise. There was excitement and you wanted to know everything about them. Now, some of this was because the relationship still had the bliss of ignorance, but part of this euphoria was also due to the few expectations you had, you simply accepted what your new love gave. Now think about the times you have been angry and/or had a fight with your beloved. Odds are that it boiled down to one of two reasons, money or your spouse failed to meet one of your expectations. Go ahead take some time to ponder this. Don't get angry all over again, just analyze why you were angry. I'll wait..... Back, good, hopefully the trip down memory lane did not get you all worked up again. I would feel bad if the dog had to make room for you in his house because of this post. For a little help with the money issue see my post The Budget. Onto the expectation part.

Expectations are fickle things. They are like bushes. They start as seeds in our minds that we like things a certain way. We share these seedlings with our future mates who also share their seedlings with us. We indulge each other and at some point those seedlings start to branch out and become full blown expectations. With no pruning they grow wildly and start to reproduce. If left unchecked they choke out the love that started the relationship in the first place. Think about what an expectation is. You are imposing some duty on another person. Certainly the expectation could be reasonable and even justified, but it still is some duty you are imposing. The other person might not even be aware of the exact nature of the expectation. It is easy to see why expectations cause so much trouble.

Must you get rid of all expectations, no, plus a few expectations are for our own good. We must though strive to impose the fewest possible expectations onto our spouse that we can. This is a journey, not a destination. The reward will surprise you. You go back to the early part of the relationship, where you accept the love that your spouse gives freely and you once again see your spouse as the beautiful person you first fell in love with.
Try it and let me know how it goes.

Boeing 747 Amazing Take Off

Had to share this shot with you guys. It was emailed to me. Even though I'm an Air Traffic Controller the sight of one these is still amazing. Especially when it looks like he is clearing the fence by 3 feet!!
Simply chaotic, I love it!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Sunrise at Summers End

Just wanted to share this photo with my loyal readers. I spotted this as I was leaving my kids at school, just lucky I had my phone on me, considering it's always on me. Shot it with my Dell Streak which has a 5mp camera. Great phone by the way, Dell recently discontinued it but you can find new ones on ebay for around $200.  The scene did not last long. Feel free to use it as wallpaper on your phone or computer desktop, I did and it has been lifting my spirit everytime I look at the photo. Hope it does the same for you.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

No Words. Not Yet. Hope for Another Time.

Of the several activities I participate in the most dangerous is getting involved in other people lives. There is a lot of risk when one gets involved in peoples problems and by consequence you open some of your life to them. But in my book the reward far out weighs what you stand to lose. On the way home from my night shift around midnight I stopped to fill up the car. I noticed a young lady who was in her early twenties sitting on the walk way in front of the convenience store. She was leaning against the wall with her head down appearing from a distance to be sleeping. She was dressed in a goth type manner but not really fully committed to the style. A man that was dressed in similar fashion came out of the store. He was a few years older than her. He bent down and helped her get up, she was drunk, stumbling, feeling no pain drunk. And she was pregnant, about 5 months. He seemed sober but still struggled to keep her upright and moving across the lot. The fact that she was trying to light a cigarette at the same time did not help him, nor me. My mind was screaming-"WHAT KIND OF WICKED IDIOT ARE YOU". My heart ached for the unborn child. As they passed my car I opened my mouth and the only thing that came out was "Do you need a ride?". He stopped and looked me over with tired eyes that were not used to kindness nor trust. He replied with a sigh "Yes, we need a ride", and proceeded to help the girl into the back seat where she laid down and passed out. I did not say much as I drove and outside of directions neither did he. There was a lot I wanted to say but did not. When we got to where they were staying he looked over at my and said "Thank you not many people would do this. I don't drink anymore I had a problem, but she does and I am trying to help her." As he picked her up out of the back seat she woke up enough to look at me and say "You're awesome!" Then they were gone. I have five daughters, two around that age. The whole scene tore at me. What do you think? Should I have been the reprimanding father figure?  Would it have done any good? Maybe it would just alienate them further? I hope to run into the again, maybe then will be the time.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Word Power

When a gentleman I was speaking to the other day found out I was an air traffic controller he stated "It must be something to have lives depend on your words." His statement stimulated my gray matter, always an exhilarating experience.  Are words that tumble out of my mouth anymore important than other peoples? No. The words that any of us speak are important. Our words affect those around us, often more than we realize. Sure, I happen to be in a job where the consequences of my words are immediately apparent, but that does not make them more important. We all would be surprised at the impact that even the least of our mutterings have on other people. We all have heard the stories and maybe even experienced the occasion where a kind word kept someone from doing something awful to themselves or others.  Good or bad impact is solely your choice.  That smile and "Good morning" you give to the waitress might be the only thing keeping her going day in and day out. Do not doubt it, your words have impact, you just might not have the blessing/curse of seeing that impact immediately.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Budget

Doing the family budget. How many of you hate the idea? Heck, how many of you have even tried to sit down with your spouse and start the process? Our own first attempts did not last long, the arguments did though. Money, or the lack of it, is the number one cause of issues within a marriage.  I should not say the lack of it. More like the mismanagement of your money. If money is so damn important than why do the majority of us detest thinking about it? That is except when it's time to spend our money. We all are pros at letting the stuff fly out of accounts. Keep reading and I will solve all your money issues with my proven system. It's easy and full proof, even the most dense of you will never have another money issue again. A system like this is priceless but since I just want to help our wallet and your marriage my secrets can be yours for only $19.95. LOL  Yeah right. If  believe anything like this than you deserve to send me $19.95. After 25 years of marriage my wife and I still fail at every budget we put together. But we improve each time. We no longer argue but let the experience pull us together, it is almost fun. OK, that is another fib, fun is too strong of a word. There are lots of sites and people where you can learn the specifics of budgeting I'll leave that to them. One recommendation, Dave Ramsey  . Here are some random thoughts to ponder and ideas to try.
 *A budget is vital and if married it must be done with your spouse, no delegating money management to the other because you are no good with numbers.
 * Leave your ego and blame at the door. Wasted money cannot be regained and fixing blame does nothing. Get over it and work towards improvement. Notice I said work towards, expect steps backwards, when they happen reread the first part of this statement.
*If you or your significant other are having trouble keeping your tempers in check then find some privacy and strip down and budget nude. Yes nude! It is really difficult to get angry at the person you love when they are naked. Plus you'll be motivated to get the budget over and get to more interesting activities.
*Pick a system and method that makes sense to both of you. We are currently using eeba, review coming later.  Just make sure you both agree and if it does not work try something else.
*Be honest about what you spend, owe, and earn. No place for fantasy, except for what going to happen after your nude budget conference.
*Be an adult, do not put your hobbies in front of your obligations.  Expect to make sacrifices and appreciate the sacrifices your spouse will make.
* Stop Acting Rich both good advise and a good book, click the link.
*Nothing is set in stone. Your budget is meant to be revised, tweeked, and maybe even scraped for a new one. Revisit it often.
*There are rewards and they are worth the sacrifice.
*The family you love deserves less financial chaos.